Ever since I was diagnosed with Crohn's Disease in the mid 1990's, I've been fascinated with how we can become more resilient in coping with and overcoming the challenges that chronic illness inevitably presents. I've always wondered why some people seem to be able to bounce back more quickly from personal challenges, illnesses, disappointments, tragedies, etc. better than others. On the surface it seems that some people are just born with extraordinary resilience. You know the people that seem to weather life's storms without skipping a beat! But when you dig a little deeper, that's often not the case. It's something they've developed over time. They've become masters of resilience. You see, resilience isn't a natural characteristic, it's a learned one.
It just so happens my brother, Dr. Phillip Waite, is an expert on the subject of resiliency. He is a professor of health promotion and wrote his Ph.D. dissertation about resiliency in the workplace. Several years ago, he co-authored a journal article titled Mental Health Promotion Through Resilience and Resiliency Training. He defines the resiliency process as "the experience of being disrupted by change, opportunities, adversity, stressors or challenges and, after some disorder, accessing personal gifts and strengths to grow stronger through the disruption." What he found in his research is very interesting. When employees participated in a five day program focused on enhancing personal resilience there were immediate improvements in individual control, purpose in life, self-esteem, interpersonal relationships and job satisfaction. In short, we can all learn to become more resilient!!!I know you're probably saying, that's more easily said than done. That's true, but the good news is becoming more resilient isn't impossible, even in the face of chronic illness.
Resiliency seems to come easier to some people than others. My brother has it right. Some people have "personal gifts" that seem to allow them to swim more effortlessly through life's stormy seas. I call these people optimists. I know.... I hate them too!!! You know the sort... always looking on the bright side of life. Always seeing the cup as half full, instead of half empty. I know the type, I married one! She was irresistable. Her outlook was infectious. She was always looking at situations in life through a completely different lens than I was, to the point I had to wonder if she was delusional. Well, she wasn't and isn't. She just has a natural ability to always see the positive.
I've never been that way. In fact, it's downright depressing how pessimistic I can be. I really don't enjoy it. It's just the way my brain works. Until I met my wife, I wasn't sure I could ever change. Nearly 20 years later, she's definitely had a positive influence on my perspective. She has helped me retrain my thinking. Sure, often my first impulse is to be pessimistic and sometimes I can still be irrepressibly so. But more often than not, I've learned to be more optimistic. It doesn't happen overnight. But when we consciously change how we think, we can become more resilient. For me, it isn't a personal gift but an inner strength that I have developed over many years.
Do I still struggle in the face of adversity? Sure, probably more than the average person. I have a chronic illness after all! (Sorry, that's the pessimist in me). Optimism is only part of the puzzle. There many other components. I believe, for example, that building relationships among a community of others dealing with similar challenges can make us more resilient. Tony's last post about community and prostate cancer talks about that. Resilience for me is a process, not an end game. It is something I have to constantly work at and consciously develop. I know the next flare is going to happen, so I prepare myself so that when it does occur, I'm able to get through it as well as possible. It is as much mental, as it is physical, preparation.
So what makes you more resilient in the face of chronic illness? I'd love to hear your ideas.
Here are a few articles on the subject you may find helpful:
Peter I have not finished reading the links you listed so I will comment on your post. I think that people diagnosed with chronic illness need to let some of their guard down when the illness affects every day life. By that I mean it is important to be cognizant of the psychological challenges that a chronic illness can cause and if necessary seek the appropriate counseling.
ReplyDeleteIn cancer there is sort of a new term, at least it's new to me, called psychosocial oncology. In fact in my next UsTOO meeting my guest speaker I have arranged is a psychosocial oncologist. I read one of his papers and was wondering why I didn't invite him to speak sooner.
The fact is that there are many ways to cope with chronic illness. But they need to be tailored to the individual. This requires a skill set that we on our own are usually not equipped with...
Thanks for the post...
"I had to wonder if she was delusional" Only now and then. On the other hand you keep me grounded. :)
ReplyDeleteI have seen God's hand in my illness. Not that he causes the pain, but He definitely uses it to help me in my personal growth. I have had to slow down and in turn am able to enjoy my family more. I no longer try to be supermom. My kids see my faults and all knowing the love is always there. There are certainly many blessings in the storms. That keeps me going.
ReplyDeleteJust found this blog. I've been dealing with chronic illness since getting Mono when I was 18. I am now 55. Ultimately, I am finding that developing my ability to handle stress, learning to put a new meaning on the pain, accepting my illness and its limitations, and changing my outlook on life via Life Coaching is making a big difference.
ReplyDeleteHi Peter, thanks for posting a comment on my blog. I love your blog! What a great resource for people with chronic illness. I'm definitely passing it on to my readers!
ReplyDeleteActually im your reader from the start, and all i can say, hope you will keep that kind of good posting. and must agree with Renee Alter. Cya and hello From Slovenia.
ReplyDeleteJust arrived here without knowing I was coming. Interesting selection of articles and resources. I'll read on and maybe have something worth sharing later. Chronic illness has yanked me from the life I was creating and into a world I don't recognize even after 10+ years. Lacking a supportive family (actually they are the opposite of supportive) I've found that online support is truly useful. Don't have to wash and dress up. Can visit when I feel up to it and not at a set time. And other chronically ill people already "get it" so I don't have to explain the background scenery. Thanks for creating this space.
ReplyDeletePeter, you are right that resilience is something learned. Those with a natural optimism have an advantage. They tend to accept what has happened, make the best of a bad situation and live life as fully as they can. All of us with a chronic disease or disability face that challenge. When I contracted lupus and polymyositis and became a quadriplegic with a feeding tube my active life came to an abrupt end. Somehow I had the wisdom to accept what happened and start working on getting better. It seemed an impossible task but 5 years later I have made what seems a miraculous recovery and enjoy an active life again. Even so, there is still the uncertainty of relapse. My choice 5 years ago was simple. Give up or try to reshape a new life. I never believed I would recover so well but I quickly learned to face each day, each crisis as it appeared and then move on. The worst that would happen is that my efforts would fail and I would be in the same place. No downside to being upbeat. As someone said, it is not how many times you are knocked down but how many times you get up that count. I hope I don't have to face such a formidable opponent again but if I do......
ReplyDeleteYep, I arrived on here due to iatrogenic injury (injury incurred by some medical people, ironically.) Not just something went wrong, but misdiagnosis, surgery done unneeded and incorrectly (upon expert review), no follow up to complications. Almost died. Took over a year to find help from quite a different element of the medical field. So many wonderful people in the field of medicine going all out to help me live as normal as life as possible and hopefully I will remain OK at my "new normal". Life takes some bad and unexpected turns. Life would have been so much more relaxed and enjoyable if I had the perspective I now have back in my "really normal" days. Too bad perspective can't be handed out at birth rather than learned the hard way. As there is no going back, we go on with perspective we never knew existed.
ReplyDeletePeter , I love ur open spirit and for learning to be resilient. It iswonderful to see that and I embrace the willingness to let ur wife's energy impact you in a loving way. Lori
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