"We must be willing to let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the life that is waiting for us."Sometimes that life isn't what we expect and coming to terms with the new reality of life with chronic illness is difficult and can be traumatic. I know it took me several years after my diagnosis with chronic illness before I found an inner acceptance and could re-point my compass in a new direction. It was as much of an emotional as it was a physical healing process. And the healing journey is never fully completed.
We must tend to our emotional and physical selves, so we can stay balanced as we strive to live happy and fulfilled lives.
Still it isn't easy.
The other day after coming home from a long day at work, my 9 year old son approached me as I walked in the door. "Dad, will you play catch with me in the back yard?". I wanted to say yes right away, I really did. But if you are like me, you are always making calculations like the following in your head:
"I can go play ball now, but if I do my arthritis will flare up and I'll pay for it with several hours or even a day of stiffness, pain, and discomfort. Is it worth the trade off? Or I could disappoint him and say no and spare myself of any pain."I agreed to play catch with him largely because I want my son to know I care about him and to teach him some of the finer points of baseball. He is at an age where he compares himself to his friends. I don't want him to be the only kid among his friends whose dad won't play catch with him. Plus it is an opportunity to make connections and memories with him that will last a lifetime.
Afterwards I was more stiff than usual and did not sleep well, but I was comforted that what I had done was more important than my own well being.
But not all decisions are like that. Some are just daily tasks that must be done and have no greater meaning, but when added up can amount to significant difficulty.
For example, my yard requires mowing about every week in the summer time. I know if I spend an afternoon mowing the lawn and doing miscellaneous yard work that I will be exhausted the following day and pretty much be unable to have a productive day. It's just a fact. Sometimes I do it knowing the inevitable consequence. Other times, I make the mental calculation and decide it just isn't worth the downtime to me and I'll hire someone to do it for me. It's an adjustment I've had to make. I take a little hit to the old male ego on this one, but the trade off is often worth it.
I don't recall making calculations like this before my diagnosis. It just wasn't a factor. And sometimes those closest to us - spouses, children, parents - don't understand the trade offs we make like this all the time. Sometimes it is easier for us to "let go of the life we have planned" and "accept the life waiting for us" with chronic illness than it is for our loved ones. That's where patience, love and understanding can help. We must be patient, just as we ask them to be.
No one ever said it was easy, but it's worth it.
I have never really let anything stop me from doing what I truly want to do. However, I do sometimes ask myself whether or not this or that is a really such good idea? There are plenty of times I pay for it the next day but I just baby myself, throw my little pity party but I always eventually pick up the pieces and continue where I left off :)
ReplyDeleteMy husband and I are now "empty nesters" finding that with chronic health issues life certainly is nothing like we dreamed when we were young and planning our family and our future together. We both have chronic health issues. But to everything there is a purpose! I believe it. Thanks for the post.
ReplyDeleteThis is exactly what my husband and I must do. It can be really hard, but it's nice knowing we aren't the only ones.
ReplyDeletePeter, This is a wonderful post, not because I also suffer with Crohn's disease but the fact we all make the choices that are important to us at the time. As many who live with illness there are to many times when "choices" are made for us. Loss of control is my number one frustration! Children on the other hand, make my choices far easier to suck up, knowing the aftermath that will most definately follow.
ReplyDeleteSometimes you just have to find yourself a "new" normal.
ReplyDeleteI have come to look at it this way. In the long run our ability to do anything will be zero. Because we are afflicted with chronic diseases, the 'normal' process of decline has been accelerated. At the outset we are impatient with this or we are very resistant. Peace comes with acknowledgement of the new facts of life and developing creativity in exploring its boundaries.
ReplyDeleteI like your outlook and do the same thing, evaluate the trade-off of "if I do this now, then later I will be _____(fill in the blank)." Yet I have not really been able to truly accept it. I know I don't have to like it. It's the acceptance part that is hard, especially when others don't understand because they cannot see your illness, whatever it might be.
ReplyDeleteSo true. It's so amazing to find someone who must think exactly like I do. If I do this, then I can't do this, this, or that. "Before" MG, I could pretty much do whatever I wanted to stamina wise. I worked 55+ hours a week in a very stressful job, I would go out with my friends whenever I wanted to, go grocery shopping, run errands, all by myself, with no need to ask for help.
ReplyDeleteWith MG, because it fluctuates SO much, it's impossible to know what I can and cannot do. I need help with almost everything, and it's awful. Sometimes it's embarrassing, sometimes it's humiliating...but necessary if I don't want to hurt myself or end up in the hospital.
I'm not sure that complete acceptance is possible, but I am trying, day by day, with GOD's help, to do this new life to the best of my ability.
That is a wonderful post and that one statement is so true. "We must be willing to let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the life that is waiting for us." That really hit home!! Thanks for posting!
ReplyDeleteI just saw this wonderful post. About a year ago, I had a stroke. I'm still mourning my limitations, and trying to figure out what this new different path will take me and my family.
ReplyDeleteI appreciate the encouragement. But what does one do when health is lost, a marriage breaks and ends, a serious injury occurs, family can't grasp any of the agony and it all occurs sequentially and within several years???? I am worn out physically, mentally and spiritually. HELP!
ReplyDeleteAnonymous,
ReplyDeletePray and have faith! Then look at your life and find happiness in the smallest of things, look for ways to bring happiness to others even if it is in the smallest of ways.